The Return of the Queen
by thattchuckbasstard
Summary: This is how I think the season 5 finale should have gone down. As much as I enjoyed the final outcome there are still many things I would have done differently. In this story Blair finally finds herself in the midst of Gossip Girl posting her diary and she'll have a lot of explaining to do to everyone she cares about. Chair. Sorry... I suck at summaries! R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**Background: So I hope this isn't too confusing, but this is started slightly after the beginning of the 'episode' I would have written. Gossip Girl has already been posting pages of Blair's diary for a while and Blair has gone to see Dan.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip girl. If I did…Chuck and Blair would be happily married, and I would have no need to be rewriting season finales **

XOXO

Blair's phone beeped for what was probably the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes, indicating another Gossip Girl blast.

Blair groaned and pulled it out to see which page of her diary Gossip Girl had decided to post this time.

Great. It was a page about her mother. Well, there went that relationship.

At least Gossip Girl hadn't posted anything about Chuck yet, and she hoped it would stay that way.

She stopped herself from continuing that thought and focused on the current task at hand.

"I'm going to kill Serena" she muttered as she entered the loft.

"You're going to what?" Dan replied immediately.

"Serena. I'm going to destroy her."

"Does this have anything to do with why you stole my phone?"

"Yes. And I'm sorry about that. It's just…Gossip Girl is posting pages of my diary and it's all Serena's fault. I just didn't want you to see. "

"Oh...I see…"

"And now I'm going to make Serena pay. I'm thinking total social destruction. I'm having the minions digging for something as we speak…"

"Are you sure that's really what you want Blair?"

"Of course it is. She's the reason all my private thoughts are on display…she needs to pay for what she's done. Plus, it's been a while since I've done any major take downs."

"But wouldn't it be better to just talk to Serena?"

"No." Blair stubbornly replied.

Dan made his way towards her and placed his arms around her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes.

"Blair…c'mon…this isn't you. Serena is your best friend...you can't just…"

Blair began to tune out his words, but then processed what he was saying. She was shocked.

Who did hum-drum Humphrey think he was telling her what she was and what she wasn't?

Sure he was her boyfriend, but he clearly seemed to be forgetting who he was dating.

She was Blair Waldorf, former Queen B of Constance and the crazy bitch of the Upper East Side. Scheming and taking enemies down were the two things she happened to best at and were consequently her two favorite activities.

And that's when she realized.

She had forgotten who she was too.

All the hurt she had experienced in the past couple of months had lead her to this. And look where it had taken her…to Brooklyn? Since when did Blair Waldorf do Brooklyn?

The answer should have been never.

And maybe it still was, since the Blair that had spent countless nights in the arms of a certain Brooklynite hadn't _truly_ been Blair Waldorf. Sure she still looked like her and still resided in the same penthouse, but that was pretty much it. This imposter was lost and weak, two things the real Blair never was.

And she realized that her quest to find herself had been completely derailed. Instead of finding herself again, she had found something safe, someone who made her feel sure that she'd never feel as low as she did at her wedding and after the car accident. He placed her so high on a pedestal that she knew he'd never cause her pain. And it was especially impossible to get your heart broken when you were with someone who didn't even have it.

But in her selfish attempt to try and to protect herself, she'd hurt the people she cared about most. Even though she was angry at Serena at the moment, she was only currently in this mess because of her own actions. Had she not dangled her relationship with the love of Serena's life directly in front of her, Blair doubted that Serena would have even scanned the diary pages in the first place. They were supposed to be sisters, and Blair had been treating her like a stranger.

Nate, she guessed she hadn't really hurt as much, but he had probably started to hate her because of how she was treating Chuck.

Chuck.

Once again, she found her thoughts coming back to him. And she didn't let herself shy away now. Out of all the people she had hurt at this point (counting the many that she had insulted in her diary), she had probably hurt him the most. It felt even worse when she knew how much he had changed himself over the past year. He was a better man now. He'd gone to therapy, tried to let her have her fairytale and even promised to love another man's child as his own. He'd changed, and he'd still loved her. And all she had done was be a heartless bitch to him in her effort to try to stop herself from being in any further pain. Thoughts of the car accident constantly rushed to her mind whenever she thought of him, and the idea of the pain that would come with losing him permanently scared her to a degree she didn't even know existed. There were countless other reasons she'd built up a barrier, but that was the primary one. As she looked back over the few months, she couldn't believe he still loved her. She didn't deserve his love. She had strung him along, made him promise to wait for, accused him of things she knew he wouldn't do anymore, constantly told him she loved him but then dangled a new man in front of him. She knew that Queen B was a bitch, but she had never, ever treated Chuck like that. How could anyone treat the love of their life like that?

And she hated herself for it, for everything she'd done since the accident. While Queen B had been a bitch, she had _never_ been a bitch to those that she loved most, the Non-judging Breakfast Club. They had every right to judge her now though. She didn't deserve them, just like she didn't deserve Chuck.

She took another look around, becoming more and more disgusted at what she had become by the second. She didn't even know who she was anymore, and she realized that was the exact reason that she was standing there.

She may have divorced a prince, but she was still very much a Queen. It was still inside her somewhere, that girl just had to be found again.

"Blair?"

She then remembered that she had been mid-conversation with Dan.

"Oh…um…sorry…where were we?"

"I was saying social destruction isn't you"

"What do you mean it's not who I am? It's quite the opposite really."

"No. That was you in high school. You've changed since then."

"I have. And I'm just realizing that it's been for the worse"

"What do you mean? You're not a bitchy ice queen anymore…you're actually a normal human being now!"

"I am anything but _normal_" She spat the last word. "I am Queen B, Queen of the Upper East Side. I use people like I use tissues and am a crazy bitch. It's in the job description."

"That's not my Blair. She's down to earth and caring and…"

She cut him off before he could continue.

"_That_ Blair was lost and is the one that lives inside your book."

She was fuming now. She couldn't believe she had let this charade go for so long. She couldn't believe she had let herself become a shell of the woman she used to be. Chuck may have told her that she was the most powerful woman he knew, but right now that couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Well, what are you trying to say here Blair? We're supposed to spend the summer together in Italy!"

"Not anymore. I'm finished here, Humphrey. We're done."

"Is this because of Chuck? I knew you shouldn't have been spending time with him alone…is he why you can't say it back?"

"It has nothing to do with Chuck, though I do love him and always will. Regardless of Chuck, how could you even expect me to say it to you though when you don't even love me for me? You love me because you think I'm Clair Carlyle. And I am _not_ that weak woman. I'm sorry to have disturbed your fantasy Humphrey, but I think it's about time both of us returned to the real world."

With that, she turned on her heel and left behind a gaping Dan Humphrey. But while Humphrey may have been confused, Blair was far from it.

Instead, she felt a confidence that she thought she'd never experience again. She felt recharged, felt like she could do anything. And she knew what she needed to do next. She had a lot of people she owed explanations and apologies to, but there was one conversation that was long overdue. And she would need all the confidence she could to finally face it.

She exhaled as she slid into a cab, feeling relief along with her radiating confidence.

"The Empire" She told the cabbie.

As she watched the buildings of Brooklyn fade away, she bid the weak Blair and Clair Carlyle a permanent goodbye. They were gone, and Blair Waldorf was back. The one she hoped Chuck Bass still loved.

**A/n:**

**So I hoped y'all liked that! **

**As much as I liked the outcome of the finale, there are just several things that I would have done differently. So I just decided to go for it and put it into a fic. **

**Should I continue? Let me know! Reviews are veryyy appreciated :)**

**Xoxo Thattchuckbasstard**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Gossip Girl! I'm just a fan.**

**Chapter 2:**

As the cab pulled up to the Empire, Blair let out a sigh.

She realized that she'd been so caught up in the moment that she hadn't even thought about what it was that'd she actually planned on saying to Chuck. So much had happened in the months following the accident that she didn't even know where she was planning to start. Sure, he knew about her pact with God but there had been so many other things other things on her mind. She had forced herself not to think of any of them and had pushed herself into what seemed to be happiness and the life she had always dreamed of. But she was the only one who knew why. And he deserved at least an explanation, even if he didn't want her back. She really hoped that wasn't the case, but she had to know that it was extremely likely. Who _would_ take her back after all that? No one in their right mind…

Blair shook that thought from her mind and threw her shoulders back as she plastered on her best smile as she walked through the doors. Nothing would stop her now.

Well, not exactly.

On her way to the elevators, Blair knocked right into a familiar blonde.

"Oh my God…S! I am so sorry! I didn't see you there"

"It's fine B, it happens even to the best of us" Serena hastily replied as she tried to walk away as quickly as possible.

She didn't know how angry Blair was about the whole diary situation, and didn't want to try her luck.

Blair wasn't sure what to do. She needed to talk to Chuck, but she also owed a huge apology to Serena.

Blair figured she might as well kill two birds with one stone, since Serena was already here.

There's no time like the present, right? Blair thought.

She held onto the blonde's shoulder before she could get away.

"Wait S…can we talk about something?"

"Blair…if it's about your diary…I'm sorry…and I am working on it…I was right about to send Gossip Girl something and-"

"Serena. It's not about that. It's more important. Can we please just sit and talk? There are some things I really need to say."

Serena finally agreed, and the two headed to the lounge in the hotel's lobby.

Neither spoke once they were both seated. Blair was debating where to start and was gathering everything she wanted to say. Serena waited nervously for her friend to start.

"So…B…what's up?"

"I have so much to say, but first I just really need to say that I'm sorry." Blair paused. "I'm sorry for what I've been putting you through for the past couple of months. I'm sorry for telling you to tell Dan how you feel about him and then dangling our relationship in front of you. I've wronged you in so many ways and there are a million things I need to apologize for, but mostly I apologize for not treating you like a sister and a best friend"

"Wow B I really-"

"Please S, let me finish."

Serena nodded.

"I feel like other than an apology, I owe you an explanation of what was going on in my head as I did all those terrible things. I was so lost after the accident. I felt like I had finally figured everything out, and then it got all messed up again. And then there was Louis, and I thought that's what I wanted, what I had always dreamed of. But he turned out to be horrible too. So I saw Dan, and I saw that he had some feelings for me. I knew he couldn't hurt me; I knew that he was safe."

Blair paused again.

"So I went for it. But I shouldn't have. I was just running from my problems, but it wasn't helping me or those around me. I know what I did was inexcusable, but I hope you can forgive me somehow."

Both girls were silent for several moments.

"B. Thank you. I really do appreciate the apology, it means a lot. But I have to ask, where is all of this coming from?"

"Surprisingly it came from this whole diary fiasco, which by the way I realize I totally brought upon myself. Anyways, I was ranting to Dan about how I was going to plan your social destruction, and he said it wasn't me. I got angry, realizing he had no place to tell me who I was. But then I realized, I didn't know who I was either. I alienated all everyone who I cared about, and was being a coward by running away from all my problems. I realized the real Blair, or the Blair I want to be would never run from anything. In the process, I realized why I was with Dan and why he was with me. I already told you why I was with him, because he was safe, but he wasn't with me because he 'loved' Blair Waldorf. He was pursuing this relationship because he saw me as that character he wrote in his book. And maybe I was like that for awhile, but I don't want to be anymore. I'm taking back control of my life, and I have to start by apologizing to everyone that I've hurt in the process. I really didn't mean to tear us apart S."

"I know you didn't B. I understand where you're coming from. I do really appreciate the apology, and you've given me a lot to think about. I do want to work on things between us, and hopefully one day they'll be the same."

Serena smiled at Blair and she smiled back.

"I do too S. I'm really glad you're willing to try."

"We'll always be sisters B. But even sisters have to work on things sometimes."

The two girls hugged.

"I missed this"

"So did I B, so did I"

They smiled to each other as they pulled away from the hug.

Serena continued, "Well I do believe you have someone else you need to talk to, isn't that right?"

"Very right. I'm so nervous, but if anything he deserves a conversation. I don't expect him to take me back…"

"You'll do fine! Now go!"

"Alright! Love you S! I'll call you later, okay?"

"Sounds good. Good luck B!"

Blair exited the lounge feeling even better than before.

She and Serena were going to work on things.

She was finding herself again.

She was finally starting to be Blair Waldorf again.

She entered the elevator and pushed the penthouse button. She began re-preparing herself for what she was about to do. Now nothing was stopping her, and she was finally going to tell the truth. The whole truth.

As the elevator doors opened, she stepped out and let out a big breath.

This was it.

**A/N:**

**Well there's chapter two! So I know I probably had you guys believing that she'd be talking to Chuck in this chapter, but I promise it'll be in chapter 3! I've already started writing it : )**

**As usual, I hoped you guys liked it! I thought it was important for Blair to talk to Serena first since I was extremely unhappy with the SB storyline in the finale. I'd like to know what you guys thought, so don't hesitate to leave a review! I love hearing different opinions!**

**Anyways, new chapter in a couple of days!**

**Xoxo, thattchuckbasstard**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Gossip Girl!**

**Chapter 3:**

Chuck was sitting in his bedroom thinking of how to go about the press conference he'd have to give to explain Bart's return. The logistics were hard to determine since he wasn't sure how much detail he was willing to give, not to mention he had a killer headache which caused him to constantly lose focus.

He closed his notebook to take a breather, when his phone rang again.

Another Gossip Girl blast. She was really going at it today, he thought.

Chuck looked it over.

_What if I never love anyone as much as I love Chuck?_

What bull, Chuck thought. She had told him herself. He didn't have her heart anymore…Hum-drum Humphrey did.

Chuck tried to stop himself from thinking about Blair again, but his attempts were futile. Blair was everywhere, she was his everything. He could never stop thinking about her. Not since that first night at Victrola.

He'd been so different back then, and she had changed him. She'd shown him how to love, how to be with another person, how to believe in himself no matter how much of a disappointment his father made him out to be and most importantly she'd shown him how to love.

Love: the feeling that he had tried to run from for so long. That feeling that they had both tried to fight. That word that they both had trouble saying to each other.

But that struggle seemed so pointless now. Blair had been throwing the word around ever since the accident. She'd told him at her wedding, and then proceeded to marry another man. She'd told him again, but then had run off to be with Humphrey.

How could a word that was supposed to bring happiness be the cause of his breaking heart?

He loved Blair unconditionally, and he had thought she felt the same. He thought it'd been confirmed when she had told him that she'd always love him the night of her engagement party. But he had guessed wrong, he figured.

Yet what hurt the most was that he had even lost her as a partner in crime. When he had come to her for advice on his mother situation, she had immediately assumed the worst. He could imagine living without Blair as his wife (barely), but he'd always expect to have her being there for him. She'd once told him she was his family, but it seemed as if those days were long gone now.

On second thought, she had slightly redeemed herself when she had accepted his offer to help with Bart's return—but even that day had started with her being condescending towards him. But that day, he thought he had seen something that had been missing from her in a while: the spark in her eyes that she had while scheming. And now he realized that the Blair who had been hurting him wasn't _his _Blair. It was an imposter. It seemed that this girl was only a shell of the powerful woman he once knew.

But he couldn't accept that his Blair was gone. He corrected his earlier thoughts: _that _was what hurt the most. It would keep hurting because he loved her so much, but he wouldn't ever be able to get her back. His Queen was forever gone. And that was a pain that would never go away, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

As his thoughts began to overwhelm him, he threw his notebook down. He needed relief, and he knew he could only get it from old friend.

He walked over to the cabinet and grabbed his favorite bottle of scotch. He twisted the cap off and began drinking, not even bothering to get himself a glass.

He needed to escape. Escape his thoughts, and escape reality. Right now, it was all too much for him.

XOXO

Blair strode into the penthouse suite with a confidence like no other. The living room was empty, but there was someone behind the refrigerator

"Hello?" Blair called, hoping to see Chuck emerge from the kitchen.

Unfortunately, she had run into his blonde guard dog.

"Blair?" Nate asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Chuck" Blair replied firmly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"Why not?"

"He's been busy planning the press conference all day. Plus, if you're here to tell him to leave you and Dan alone because you don't love him anymore save it. Both he and I have heard enough."

"Nate…I-"

"Blair. I love you, but Chuck is my best friend and he's been hurting so much the past couple of months, and not even just that but the past year too. And I can't stand to see him hurting any longer, so please Blair whatever you do just stop giving him false hope and-"

"Nate. I'm not here to hurt Chuck anymore. I know I've been causing him and Serena pain and I feel awful. I broke up with Humphrey, but I need to talk to Chuck. I don't expect anything from him but there is one conversation that I really owe him"

Nate stared at her for a minute as if he was contemplating the chances he had of stopping her. He then put his hands up, indicating surrender.

Blair smiled at him, and continued towards Chuck's room.

Blair let out one last deep breath and then knocked on the door.

"Nate? Come in, man"

Blair creaked the door open.

"It's not Nate. It's me"

Chuck looked up at her from his chair, where he was nursing a bottle of scotch. His face went blank.

"Blair," he exhaled.

"Hi Chuck," she smiled. "If you're not busy there's something I want to talk to you about."

"What? Are you marrying Humphrey now?"

And immediately, she knew he was drunk. Yet she could see that his deep brown eyes seemed glossy, and she knew what it meant when they looked that way. He was hurting, and it was all her fault.

"No, Chuck, I'm not marrying anybody right now"

"Then what did you want? Tell me you don't love me anymore? Oh wait…that you're not _in_ love with me anymore?" He slurred.

Her own words hit her sharply. She couldn't believe she had actually said that to the love of her life.

She shook her head.

"No, not that."

"What's on your mind then Blair?"

And in that moment, the last ounce of confidence she had had disappeared completely. She was left dumbstruck.

"I…I…I came here to tell you I'm sorry"

"Sorry?"

Blair took a deep breath before letting it all out.

"I've been horrible to you since the accident. I've done so many stupid things and said so many hurtful words. I hurt the people who love me most and I needed to ask for their forgiveness and give them a reason to maybe understand what I was going through. But first I want to apologize."

Blair paused.

"I'm sorry I doubted your change earlier this year. I'm sorry for running away from you after the accident. I'm sorry for telling you I love you and then marrying another man. I'm sorry for assuming the worst of you when you were only looking for a friend."

She paused once more before the last one, knowing that it would go either really well or horribly.

"And most importantly, I'm sorry for telling you I wasn't _in_ love with you when I knew it wasn't true."

Chuck's face went blank again and she couldn't tell what he was feeling. So she decided to continue.

"I'm just so sorry about everything Chuck, I don't think there is a possible way to show you how much I regret everything I did. But if you just let me explain how scared I was after the accident…maybe you would understand why I tried to run away from you…why I tried to pretend our love didn't exist…I don't expect you to take me back but I just hope you can maybe try to start forgiving me somehow…I just want you to know why…"

Chuck cut her off and she braced herself for the worst, knowing that drunkenness could lead to Chuck be at his most brutal.

"Well you're right that I'm not gonna take you back!" He began slurring. "I don't even know who you are anymore Blairrr. I thought that I could at least come to you as a friend. I was wrong. And I can't imagine why I'd ever take you back. Why would I want to be with someone who constantly running from what we have? Am I that bad? I guess Bart was right all those years…I'm just a sad excuse for a human being…no wonder you didn't even want me as a friend…so just run back to Cabbage Patch and you won't have to worry about being around someone so awful…"

Blair couldn't believe it. Tears were streaming everywhere and she didn't even bother to hold them back.

Not only did it hurt to hear those words about her come out of his mouth (no matter how true), but it also hurt to hear him talk about himself with such disgust.

She knew she should try and explain everything she that she had planned, but at the moment she needed to get out of there. She knew she wouldn't get too far with Chuck being drunk. He wouldn't want to listen to what she had to say.

So she turned and ran out. But run to Brooklyn she did not.

She hailed a cab and pulled out her cell phone.

"S…is it too late to try and work on things between us?" She asked between sobs.

**A/N: So there we have it! She confronted Chuck! Were you expecting that to happen? I had to add some drama, right? It wouldn't be much of a fic then...**

**Anyways, sorry it took longer to update than I initially planned… I went on a last minute trip out of town and I didn't have my computer or wifi (the horror!)**

**But this time, I think I'll stay pretty true to my word so expect a new chapter in a few days!**

**And as always, feel free to leave a review…they are great motivation for writing!**

**Xoxo, thattchuckbasstard**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

After telling Blair to give her a few minutes, Serena went up to her old room in Lily's penthouse. She fell onto the bed and closed her eyes to take a moment to breathe.

Blair had given her so many things to think about.

Even though she had technically given Blair her blessing to date Dan, she felt that Blair should have known better than to date the man that she had just declared her feelings for. She was supposed to be the prime of New York society and her best friend! Shouldn't she know when somebody, or at least her best friend of all people, was being fake? Or was Serena just that convincing?

Regardless of how much the thought repulsed her, Serena couldn't help but wonder how Blair would have reacted if she and Chuck had started dating. While that would never have actually happened, Serena was pretty sure that Blair would not have given her blessing, or at even fake given it. She would've started planning immediate social destruction and she (and possibly Chuck) would have had quite the price to pay. So why didn't something similar apply when Blair decided to date the love of Serena's life? Instead she had gotten yelled at for scanning pages of Blair's diary that she didn't even have the intention of posting.

Serena sighed. Why did it have to come to this? Sure she and Blair had fought a lot in high school, but she had thought they were way past that.

She honestly had no idea whether she wanted to completely forgive Blair. While she hadn't necessarily acted bitchy during Blair and Dan's little romance, she and Blair had definitely been drifting. It just wasn't the same. Serena could only fake being happy to a certain degree. It would take way more than an apology to even begin fixing things.

She looked over to her nightstand. There were several pictures on it: one of her and Eric, another of her, Blair, Chuck and Nate when they were younger, one of her and Blair from high school and her prom picture. Every picture contained genuinely smiling faces.

Sighing again, Serena couldn't help but miss how much easier it had been back then. They'd all been happy. She had been happy. And who wouldn't have been? She was an "it" girl with a great best friend, two other great guy friends and her family. And currently she had none of that, each was gone or messed up in its own special way.

So what did she have to lose?

Absolutely nothing.

Sitting back up, she slightly smiled to herself, confident in her decision.

No matter how much sisters fought, they'd always be family. So she couldn't give up on Blair, not just yet. Would they have to work hard to fix their relationship? Yes. But it would definitely be worth it.

And once she was finished with Blair today, she would begin to fix her life too. Blair had many amends to make, but it was also time for her to take control of her life.

She grabbed her stash of Pierre Hermé macaroons and a copy of Breakfast at Tiffany's and was out the door.

XOXO

Nate headed towards Chuck's room slowly, but cautiously after he saw Blair running out in tears. He shut the door behind him before approaching his best friend.

Chuck was slumped in his chair nursing a scotch.

"Hey, man, you ok? What just happened?"

Chuck stayed silent for a moment, eyes focused on his scotch. Nate could tell he was distraught.

"Blair came by," he slurred. Immediately Nate knew that it was definitely _not_ his first scotch of the day. "She apologized for how awful she was to me and she wanted to explain… buuut then I told her to run back to Humphrey. Aaand she did…juust like I expected. It's fine I didn't need her pity…I don't need anyone's-"

"Chuck…she didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Blair broke up with Dan…"

"She _what?_"

"Yeah I think she did it earlier today. When she walked in here, she looked like a Blair I don't think I've seen in a while. She looked…sure of herself."

Chuck placed his face in between his hands. Just as he was about to respond there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Chuck said miserably.

"Hello Charles, Nathaniel"

"Bart," Chuck replied, immediately standing up and straightening his suit.

XOXO

Blair collapsed on her bed upon returning from the empire. She was glad Dorota wasn't home. She couldn't deal with any questions right now.

Her tears were uncontrollable at this point, and Blair didn't even bother to try to resist them. All the pain she had hidden away over the course of the past couple months was coming out. These were all the tears she hadn't cried.

Everything was so far beyond messed up.

She was no longer the woman she had always wanted to be because of her fears. She had lost her sister due to her selfish actions. She had lost the love of her life due to her lies. She had even lost a baby…

A new round of tears formed at that last thought.

Her baby. It hadn't even gotten a chance to live. She had been so concerned about herself and her pain that she hadn't even allowed herself to think about it.

And that was all she had really been doing for the past couple of months. She'd only been thinking about herself. Queen B was only supposed to be selfish and manipulative to enemies, not loved ones.

Her loved ones. She'd found a way to mess up her relationships with all of them. And what hurt the most was Chuck, especially right now because of the memory of her failed attempt at an apology constantly replaying in her head.

She just couldn't get that look off her mind. It made him look like he not only hated her (which he had every right to) but it looked like he hated himself for ever letting her in. He may have told her that she was the lightest thing in his life, but to her it seemed like all she did was make him hurt and turn to darkness.

How she hated herself right now. How could she even thought that she would've made a good mother? She couldn't even be good to a man that, even through some errors, loved her unconditionally. How could she possibly have taken care of a child?

Self loathing thoughts began piling their way into Blair's mind.

And she couldn't take it anymore.

It had been years since she'd last done it, but in that moment it was the only thing that she thought could bring her relief. It had worked in the past, so she figured it would provide her with the relief she needed right now.

She ran to the bathroom, locked the door and turned on the sink. She kneeled over and let it all out.

And it felt good.

Feeling slightly better, she cleaned up and went back to the bed. Right as she sat down, there was a knock at the door.

"Dorota?"

"No, B, it's me"

She walked over to the door and opened it to find Serena with a DVD and macaroons in hand.

"S? I thought you weren't coming." Blair said, glad that Serena hadn't arrived several moments earlier.

Serena smiled at her.

"I wasn't going to come. But I thought things over. You're my sister and I can't give up on you that easily. We both have things in our lives to fix and it'll be easier if we're there for each other. We can talk whenever you're ready, but in the meantime…" She held up the DVD and Blair smiled.

This was exactly what she needed right now.

Blair pulled Serena in for a hug.

"Thank you" Blair choked out.

**A/n:**

**Ok sorry that took so long to update but I had a severe case of writers block! **

**So I realize that since I said that this would be my take on the finale I am going to have to focus on some of the other characters as well. But this will mostly be a CB fic. Having said that, there are a few things I've decided NOT to really focus on: the Ivy/Lola story line and the Van der Bass/Humphrey situation. However, there will be plenty of NJBC (as you saw, hopefully, in this chapter).**

**Anyways, I hope you all liked that!**

**I also wanted to thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter! Keep 'em coming! (:**

**Anyways, next chapter will be up in several days!**

**Xoxo, **

**thattchuckbasstard**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Blair woke up the next morning to a ringing phone and a passed out Serena next to her. As quietly as she could, Blair reached over to the nightstand and checked the display screen.

10 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 3 text messages.

She looked over the texts first- they were all from Dan.

_Blair, let's talk._

_Call me._

_Please call back?_

Sighing, she then checked her recent calls. Unsurprisingly, all 10 calls were from Dan. She didn't even bother to check her voicemail.

Blair groaned. Had she not made it clear that she was done slumming?

She set her phone back down on the table and lay back down, closing her eyes.

She had decided that she would slowly start piecing back her life today. Yet she didn't know where to start. Over the past year, so many things had gone so wrong in so many different ways. But she knew that if she wanted to become the woman she was meant to be, the woman Chuck had always believed she was, she would need to go through each one and either fix it or get closure. There was no other way, she decided. She needed to right her all her wrongs. Then, if she ever got another chance with Chuck, they would finally both be ready for each other. Chuck had put himself together; she could surely do the same.

And there was no better time than the present.

She slowly pulled herself out from under the covers, and made her way downstairs, only stopping to quickly change her dress. She sat at the dining room table with a pen and a fresh diary in hand, determined to think of everything she had done wrong, or anything that had gone wrong and even begin explaining to herself why it needed to be on her list. She figured that if she wanted to fix her mistakes, she would need to realize why they were wrong.

As she wrote, Dorota brought her some breakfast and quietly exited the room, seeing that Blair was hard at thought.

_College- Didn't put my kingdom first. What type of queen isn't educated? _

_Louis- Completely humiliated him and betrayed his trust. Simply put, I used him._

_Serena- Betrayed my sister, the one person who's always been there for me._

_Dan- Used him too. _

_Accident- _

_Baby-_

_Chuck-_

She couldn't force herself to keep going. She stared at her list in horror. She knew that she had been an awful person, way worse than in high school, but she was only now beginning to understand the gravity of it. But she had to continue.

While she kept racking her brain for anything else she had done, she began to hate herself all over again. She was absolutely disgusted. She didn't deserve a single thing or person she had. Not her lifestyle, not her clothes, not Dorota, not Serena and most definitely not Chuck. Out of everything, she really didn't deserve Chuck or his love. Or anyone's love for that matter.

There had been three men who had all wanted to be with her, including the love of her life. She toyed with all of them and had been so cruel. She hurt the one man she had really ever truly loved. While he had previously wronged her, she believed that what she had done far worse than anything else. She had also lead on two nice guys, who deserved someone that actually loved them.

It was all so disgusting she felt sick. So sick that she stood up and bolted to the downstairs bathroom. She locked the door, and stared at herself in the mirror. She hated the person she saw there. She decided she needed to suffer for her mistakes in addition to fixing them.

She ran the sink and kneeled next to the toilet, purging away all her breakfast and self-disgust.

Yes, she thought. This is how I'll pay.

XOXO

Chuck was still in shock. He kept replaying his conversation with Bart, since he still couldn't make it sink in.

"_Bart," Chuck replied, immediately standing up and straightening his suit._

"_Nathaniel, would you mind giving us a minute?" Bart turned to Nate._

"_Of course," Nate replied before leaving the room. _

_Once the door had closed, Bart turned to Chuck. _

"_So son, how are the preparations for the press conference coming along?"_

_Chuck piped up, glad that his father was willing to talk to him about business. As a child, he had always dreamed of the day that Bart would trust him to organize something. And even though, Chuck had been running the company during Bart's "death," it felt good to know to actually have Bart's approval since it was rarely ever given. _

"_Yes, father everything's ready to go for 2 p.m. today. So you just need to have whatever you want to say prepared and we're good."_

_It still felt weird to Chuck, seeing his father in the flesh. He couldn't believe that he had actually been alive the past couple of years. And while he was still initially a little angry at Bart, overall Chuck was glad to have him back. While Lily was a good maternal figure to have, Chuck was hoping that he could now get what he had always wanted: his father's approval. He had changed so much since high school, and Chuck was eager to see what he would say about it. _

"_That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted you to hear this first so that you're not surprised when I make the announcement."_

_Chuck didn't quite understand why Bart would have to explain what he's saying. Chuck figured it was quite obvious. Since Bart was now back, he would resume the position of CEO and give Chuck a position somewhere else in the company. That was all there was to it, right? Unless Bart was going to fire him…_

_Chuck stopped himself from continuing that thought. _

_Before Chuck could continue trying to figure out what it was the Bart had planned, Bart spoke. _

"_So as you know, my return means that my will no longer be valid. By law, I will replace you as the CEO of Bass Industries."_

_Bart paused and Chuck braced himself for whatever it was that he was going to happen next._

"_However, that will only happen if I wish to return as CEO and say that in the press conference. But those are not my wishes. I've been out of the business game for quite a while now, and I may be a bit… out of practice I guess you could say. Bass Industries has flourished under your reign and I believe it is in the best interest of the company if you remain in that position. However, my one request would be that you keep your old man around as an adviser. How does that sound son?"_

_Chuck stared at Bart in disbelief. It was everything he had ever wanted. Now he knew that Bart had _really_ trusted him with the company. Before there could have been several reasons as to why it had been left to him, but now it was crystal clear. _

"_It sounds…great."_

_Chuck continued to look at his father. Bart smiled at his reply._

"_Good. Well, I guess I'll see you at two then."_

_With that he turned to leave._

_As Bart was reaching for the door knob, Chuck stopped him._

"_Thank you," he smiled._

_Bart nodded._

_And as he left, Chuck could've sworn he heard Bart say "you did well son"._

Those words had echoed through his head throughout the rest of the day, including at the press conference that affirmed that it had actually happened. It was the next day, and Chuck was still ecstatic.

Now he really had everything.

He stopped himself.

Almost everything, he corrected sadly.

He had an empire, but no one to rule it with.

XOXO

Blair returned from the bathroom with a newfound determination.

As she entered the dining room, she found Serena munching on some berries.

"Hey," Blair said, taking the seat across from Serena.

"Hi B," Serena smiled back.

Blair sighed in relief; it looked like Serena hadn't noticed where she had come from.

"So what are your plans for the day?" Serena continued the conversation.

"I'm going to begin fixing everything," Blair smiled proudly.

"Wow! So soon? That's great B!"

"I…just want to learn as quickly as possible before I mess more things up"

"I understand completely. Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday though?"

Blair frowned.

"Not really. But what's to tell? Chuck rejected me, as expected."

Blair paused as she grabbed a few more berries. Serena eyed Blair, challenging her statement.

Blair groaned. Serena knew her too well.

"I promise I'll tell you later okay S? I just have to go now"

"Alright" Serena said as she watched Blair run out the door.

Serena knew that something else was going on. She knew what Blair usually looked like when Chuck rejected her, but he must've said something that had really hit deep since she looked so different this time. But by the looks of it, Blair wasn't going to tell her anything just yet.

But she was determined to find out.

Serena pulled out her phone.

There was an answer after the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nate!"

"Oh hey Serena! What's up?"

"I wanted to ask you…how did Chuck look yesterday?"

"Well, um, what part of yesterday?"

"Umm like late morning?"

"Yeah..not too great. "

"Why?"

"Can you meet me at the Empire bar in a couple of minutes? I'd rather tell you in person."

"Yeah that's fine…I'll meet you there in a few"

XOXO

Blair sat at the Oak Bar, staring at her list, trying to decide what to do first. She figured the second item would easy to start with since it only required a phone call.

So she pulled out her phone and dialed.

After several seconds a voice answered.

"Allo?"

"Louis?"

"Blair?"

"Yes, hi. Are you busy at the moment? I need to tell you something."

**A/n: Ahhh I'm so sorry this took me so long! I went on another last minute trip to New York (which was awesome btw… I never wanted to come home) so I had no time to write! But I ****promise**__**that I will be posting more regularly now. **

**Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter! I just needed to have Bart give Chuck the company because honestly Chuck and Blair already have so many problems that they don't need Bart complicating things any more. But let me know what you guys think! I love reading all your reviews and opinions (plus, they're great motivation)! **

**And there'll be a new chapter up in a few days (I mean it this time!)**

**xoxo, thattchuckbasstard **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Blair hung up the phone, quite content with how her conversation with Louis had gone.

She had expected him to be cruel, like he had been the night of their wedding, but she had realized something fairly quickly: Louis was in no way the bad guy. While he had said some awful things to her the night of their wedding, she had realized that she had brought it upon herself. Deep down, Louis was an amazing guy, a real prince charming—he just wasn't for her. She had mercilessly abused his trust and taken advantage of him. It honestly shouldn't have been a surprise that he eventually would try and do something about it.

But over the phone, Blair once again saw the prince she thought she had fallen in love with.

"_Yes, hi. Are you busy at the moment? I need to tell you something."_

"_I actually am free right now. What is it?"_

"_Well, first of all I just really wanted to say I'm sorry. I took advantage of you and your trust so many times and it was only fair that you finally got sick of it at our wedding. You really are an amazing man and prince, and I'm sorry I wasted so much of your time. Basically, I'm sorry for everything."_

"_Thank you Blair. That means a lot, I really appreciate this. But I also am sorry for how I was at our wedding…my mother-"_

"_No. I deserved it. I was truly an awful person this year, much more awful than usual. I really hope that you find someone who loves you and treats you right."_

"_I have, actually. We are taking it slow this time, but I think it will work out."_

"_Oh Louis! That's amazing! Congratulations!"_

"_Thank you. Was there anything else you wanted to say?"_

"_Uh-no. So sorry if I disturbed you, I just really needed to say that."_

"_May I just ask where this is all coming from? I thought you would never want to speak to me again after our divorce was finalized."_

"_Oh of course. It's just that I've been thinking a lot about where I am in life right now, and I'm trying to right all-well most-of my wrongs."_

"_That sounds wonderful Blair. Like I said, your apology was much appreciated. But if you don't mind my asking, I'm just curious, how are you and Chuck now, are you two happy at least?"_

"_I am-uh- not with Chuck right now."_

"_Really? I thought you would have ended up with him after everything…he did pay your dowry after all…"_

"_Yes he did…but… I messed up big time, I don't know if we will ever recover. I fear he might hate me right now." _

"_I don't think that's possible. That man loves you with all his heart and soul."_

"_I know. It just took me too long to realize." Blair smiled sadly to herself._

"_Well I wish you the best of luck, then."_

"_You too Louis, you too."_

Blair finished off her gin martini and turned to leave the bar, happy that the first item on her checklist had gone perfectly. She was so content with herself that she decided she would do one more thing today.

She got into the town car that was waiting outside and told the driver "Columbia University, please."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as the car drove away.

XOXO

Serena arrived at Chuck and Nate's penthouse at the Empire exactly five minutes later.

As she stepped out of the elevator, she immediately spotted Nate in the kitchen.

"Hey," she said.

Nate looked up. "Oh hey! You made it here really quickly."

She laughed, "Yeah. Quite strange, me being on time."

Nate cracked a smile.

"So," she continued. "Is Chuck here?"

"No he's out walking Monkey."

"Ok good. So what happened yesterday?"

"Well, a lot of things." He paused. "But I'm guessing you're more concerned about the part that concerns Blair, right?"

She nodded, "She wouldn't tell me anything, but she's been super proactive since yesterday."

"Well yesterday morning, she stormed in here, looking super confident, and demanded to see Chuck. I warned her about messing with him again, but she said she was here because she owed him a conversation. So I let her go to his room. At the time, Chuck wasn't exactly…sober. I don't know exactly what he said to her, the only thing I heard was towards the end. He told her to go 'run back to cabbage patch' and a bit later she ran out of here in tears." He paused for another moment. "Then I went in there to see what happened, and I told him that she broke up with Dan. But before he could say anything Bart came…and then gave him the company…so I don't quite know where his brain has been since."

Serena didn't quite know how to process everything. She couldn't even imagine what Chuck could possibly have said to Blair. But at the same time, she understood where Chuck would have been coming from, he probably wanted to push her away before she could say anything that would hurt him even more. She also couldn't imagine how Chuck was dealing with everything at the moment, he must've felt a whirlwind of emotions, with Bart giving him the company among everything else.

After a while, she finally managed to ask, "Is he ok?"

"I honestly don't know," Nate replied. "I haven't seen him much since yesterday. I can only imagine that he's pretty confused and conflicted."

"Yeah and Blair's just…I don't even know how to explain it."

Serena sighed and Nate nodded.

They were completely clueless as to how to help their best friends.

In the meantime, Serena's phone buzzed.

She checked the caller ID—it was Dan. Groaning she pushed the ignore button, she didn't want to deal with him. She was trying to fix herself, and if she was going to do it right she was not going to get involved in any Dan drama. He had put her through enough this spring. She needed to move on and was fully planning to. Dan was her past and nothing more.

She checked her watch, not realizing how long she'd been there.

"Ohmygod I'm going to be late! I'm meeting Lily, but I'll call you later. We need to figure something out."

And with that the blonde flew out of the room.

XOXO

Chuck sat at the bar, idly staring at his scotch, not even bothering to look at the dancers.

He didn't know what to do. So he'd gone to escape, to find some relief, maybe even celebrate.

Gone where she had once come to escape, where he had once throw a victory party.

But even here, he couldn't escape the thoughts that had been plaguing him since yesterday.

They'd come such a long way since then. They weren't those foolish high school kids anymore, yet everything felt just as screwed up, maybe even more. They were constantly hurting each other, screwing up their chances, or just being scared of getting hurt.

Why couldn't he have listened to her?

Would she have even told him that she and Humphrey were over?

Would she have asked to be with him?

Or would she have shut him out again?

At this point he really couldn't tell anymore. There were so many what-ifs and questions. But he couldn't just move on, couldn't just forget her.

She was the only woman he had ever loved.

He thought he had known Blair better than anyone, yet over the past year it had been as if they were strangers to each other. The way she talked, acted-and hell- sometimes even dressed made it seem as if some intruder had taken over. He honestly hadn't known what to think after the accident.

The accident. That was a whole other road of dark thoughts that his mind constantly wandered down.

He swirled the amber liquid around the glass and picked it up to take another sip, once again drowning himself in self pity. But he couldn't help himself. He could never get her off his mind, could never murder the butterflies as she had to him to. They were still there—still fluttering—as they would be the rest of his life whether he ended up alone, with someone else, or with her. His heart sped up at the thought of that last possibility.

But he couldn't go on like this. He would always love her, but he wanted her to be happy—that was most important. And he owed it to himself—as well as his father and the company—to try and straighten this out one last time. And if it didn't work out he would live with the memories that he had and focus on the company and continue doing things his father hadn't and bring even more to the Bass name.

He stood up from the Bar and turned towards the exit, ignoring the burlesque dancers that were still begging for his attention.

Entering the limo, Chuck took a breath before getting ready to do this.

"Where to Mr. Bass," asked Arthur from the front.

"Harry Winston, and then the Waldorf penthouse."

"Very well."

And the limo pulled away, the club slowly fading away from Chuck's view just as the sun was beginning to set.

**A/n:**

**Ok so wow. Sorry about that. But i've started school again and i got lazy but alas i finally uploaded! this is probably not my best work, but i just wanted to get something up for you guys! :)**

**So what do you think Chuck's gonna do!? **

**As usual, I hoped you liked it! Let me know what you thought, it's fantastic motivation-and more motivation makes for quicker updates! (i'm just sayin'..)**

**But yeah that's all I have, I'd say a new chapter will be up in a couple of days...but we all know that'd be a lie! **

**xoxo**

**~Thattchuckbasstard**


	7. Chapter 7

Blair sighed as her car pulled up back to her penthouse.

It had surprisingly well with Columbia.

_She was sitting in the oak office, waiting for the Dean to return._

_When he walked back in, she rose immediately to greet him._

"_Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me," she stuck out her hand. _

_As he shook it he replied, "It's no problem Miss Waldorf. Please have a seat."_

_They both sat, and the Dean watched her for a moment._

"_So, Miss Waldorf, what was it that you wanted to discuss."_

_She took a deep breath. "Well, last year I was enrolled as a student here at Columbia. Unfortunately due to a very complicated chain of events that we don't really need to get into, I stopped attending my courses."_

_She paused._

"_So I was hoping that we could find a way for me to continue my education here."_

_The dean looked at her again, and didn't say anything for a while as he thought._

"_Well, I am very sorry to tell you that we are well into the semester right now, so it's too late to join classes and the dorms are full so we would have no room on campus for you." He paused again. "But I did read your file, and it is very impressive. We would be very happy to have you here at Columbia, so I am offering you admission for next semester granted that you complete your education in four years."_

_Blair's eyes lit up. _

"_Really?"_

"_Yes Miss Waldorf. Just don't make me regret this decision."_

"_Oh I won't."_

"_Then welcome back to Columbia."_

Blair got out of the car as she finished up reliving another good memory that came from today. She decided she'd take it easy tonight, and just relax.

She went straight to her room and changed into her robe. She pulled out Breakfast at Tiffany's, her secret stash of macarons and an old photo album since she was feeling nostalgic.

She lay on her bed and began flipping through the album. First there were pictures of her and Serena that ranged from elementary to high school, then photos of her and Nate from earlier in their relationship. Then came the photos of the four of them: the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, and then the pictures of her and Chuck.

Blair smiled as she looked at them. They had been so happy back then, and she truly missed that.

She wished she could go back to those days, where everything had been so perfect.

She flipped past a few more pages and bit into a macaron, but stopped immediately when she saw the next photo.

It was a snap shot from an ultra sound.

And just like that, her good day turned horrible. She felt sick and sprinted towards the bathroom.

XOXO

Chuck stood at the entrance of Blair's building.

This was it, he thought. He would give it one last try.

The elevator ride up felt like an eternity, and when the doors opened he was facing an empty penthouse.

"Blair?" he called.

No answer.

"Dorota?" he tried.

But still there was nothing.

Nervously clutching the box from Harry Winston, he slowly made his way up the stairs, to make sure he didn't miss her.

As he reached the top of the staircase, he could see the light in her room and the familiar sound of Breakfast at Tiffany's blaring from her TV.

Yet as he entered the room, there was still no sign of her.

Where was she?

But then he noticed a very faint sound coming from the bathroom.

He held his breath. No, she couldn't be doing this to herself again.

He hurried in there only to find Blair curled up by the toilet, sobbing.

"Blair," he exhaled.

"Chuck?" she immediately went to dry her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something, and apologize for the other day. But what happened? A-are you ok?"

"It's n-nothing" she tried to get up, but he held onto her.

"Blair," he looked at her knowingly.

"Fine," she sat back down.

He waited for her.

"I decided to try and make amends for everything that's gone wrong this year," she started. "Serena and I made up, I spoke to Louis, and I'll be starting at Columbia again next year. I was just looking through old pictures to relax…when I saw one of…"

"The baby?" he asked, immediately understanding.

She just nodded.

In that moment he felt bold, so he took her hand and said "come here."

She complied and they just sat there for several hours, his arms wrapped around her.

He let her cry, and she let herself open up.

XOXO

Blair was starting to feel much better. She hadn't let herself just cry after the loss of the baby. But in Chuck's arms everything felt like it was going to be ok.

In all honesty she wished that they could just stay like that forever.

Her tears eventually dried as she began to come to terms with what happened. She was far from being ok but she was slowly getting there.

She pulled away from Chuck and looked at him.

"Do you want to go back to my room? The tiles are getting a little cold?" she smiled.

He smiled back. "Sure."

They lay next to each other on her bed, and just stayed quiet at first.

"So…why are you here?" she asked nervously.

"Oh well…uh…I…well first I wanted to apologize for how I acted when you came by the other day. I've just been so torn up about everything that happened and I was drunk and bitter about you and Humphrey. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"No Chuck, it's okay, I really deserved it. I was hurting you and Serena and I really don't know what came over me. Humphrey was me running from my problems. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm really the one who should be apologizing. Since you're sober right now I really want you to know I meant what I said. I am truly sorry, about everything."

And before she knew what she was doing she blurted out a few more words.

"I still love you."

She froze after she heard herself. It was too soon for that, and she was sure that she'd lose him now for good.

But instead of saying anything at first he just looked at her, like no other man ever had.

It was a look that made her melt because she could feel something more behind it, and she almost forgot what she had let slip out.

And before she could say anything, he was already speaking. And she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Good. Then marry me."

He was holding her Harry Winston ring in front of her.

**A/n: Ok wow it's been a while since I've updated since I've been so busy. So I thought this would be a nice holiday treat. I didn't have much time to proofread since I wanted to get it up as soon as possible, but I hope it's not too full of errors. Anyways, this wasn't originally what I wanted to have happen but the idea just kind of struck me and I went with it because I didn't want to drag this story on for too long. **

**So let me know what you thought, reviews are always welcome! **

**But I hope you all had a nice holiday season, whatever you celebrate, and I wish you all a happy new year!**

**xoxo,**

**A**


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